Chptr Community's 2023 Wisdom: My Journey of Discovery 🌟
Reflections on the invaluable lessons I gained from the Chptr Community in 2023.
Editor’s note - the links below only work on mobile and will take you to each respective memorial in our app. Just an FYI for you lap/desktop readers.
Like clockwork, Mike from upstate New York harvests his tomatoes every August. He does so as the first step in a meticulous process that would see these organic, homegrown bright red delights turned into a delicious tomato sauce. The canning process alone, as Mike and I chatted on the phone, made me anxious, and I wasn't anywhere near the process. This year's season is one that nobody in the Flannery family will ever forget, as it was in October of this year that Laraine Flannery, Mike's mother, and matriarch of the Flannery clan, including great-grandchildren, unexpectedly died.Â
Laraine, born in 1943, was a sort of home-professional farmer herself. It was not her profession but rather a hobby she picked up and chose to invest in throughout her life. Seeing her family eat foods that grew from seeds Laraine harvested and planted herself gave her a dual sense of pride. She took pride in genuinely providing for her family and, even more so, in ensuring the health of her tribe by maintaining control over every step of the process.Â
Farming was so embedded in Laraine's DNA that it naturally became a point of connection between her and her sons, later her grandchildren, and eventually great-grandchildren. In my conversations with Mike, a prominent executive in NYC, it's clear that farming is as core to him as breathing is. It makes sense that he, to this day, can still spend the countless hours planting, growing, harvesting, cooking, and canning tomatoes while raising two young-adult daughters, and running two businesses and advising dozens more. I suspect making room in life for this activity will look the same for his daughters and, one day, their own families.Â
I have two young children and am always fascinated by the rituals that bind tight-knit families together. In my experience with Chptr, these rituals rise to the top for me. Maybe it's because my wife and I are working to create our family rituals, or perhaps it's the beauty in getting insight into what makes others tick. Either way, it's just one of the countless learnings I took away from our work at Chptr this year.Â
Here are some more:
In all of my years in the music industry (as a fan and a creator), I never heard The Pogues' Fairytale of New York until after Shane MacGowan died this year, and I got the chance to build his Chptr with the team at IrishCentral. I've been listening to it on repeat for two weeks now. Do yourself a favor and do the same.
Dr Max Gomez was my wife's officemate at CBS-NY, and I thought I knew everything about him. I was so wrong. It turns out Max was, by day, a journalist who delivered essential medical news to the broader New York community, and, by night, like a masked crimefighter, he quite literally saved lives. In interviewing his colleagues and friends about his life, I heard no less than a dozen stories from people about how he was the reason they were here today. Collectively they were able to survive cancer, complicated pregnancies, burst appendixes, rare autoimmune disorders, heart attacks, and so much more because Max was always an arms reach (or phone call) away and armed with the medical knowledge, deep relationships, and awe-inducing empathy that allowed him to swoop in and save the day. He never talked about it, never boasted his achievements, and never expected anything in return. As it turns out, New York didn't just lose a TV personality, we lost our Batman.Â
Were you looking for inspiration? Take a second to search the name Danny Solis on YouTube. A poet in the truest sense, he embodied what it means to be vulnerable, kind, and impactful at scale. Every person who heard his words could immediately share what they meant in their own lives without a second of thought.
Raymond Wilmer died in 2022, but having done so in December of that year, early 2023 was when his celebration of life took place. Raymond and his band of Las Vegas misfits proved that family defined by blood relation wasn't the sole one to rely on. Instead, in each other, they found a group of equals in every way and dedicated themselves to investing in their chosen family whenever possible simply because of the love that bonded them.Â
Jan King was a women's humor author, my mother's best friend, and someone who had been a part of my life since shortly after I was born. She died in 2018, but we opened her Chptr early this year. Learning about someone you thought you knew all over again is an incredible experience. Doing so through the words of her son is something that will always give me chills.Â
Sinéad O'Connor was a force in music, culture, and life. I expected people my age and older to share stories about hearing her music for the first time. I was not expecting a GenZer from Argentina to share memories about her and another to share a short cover of Nothing Compares to You. The ripple effect of someone's existence through time and generations is stunning.Â
We didn't fully build out her Chptr, but Elise Finch was one of my wife's best friends in New York City. I knew her well enough to feel the pain, but not well enough to be a part of her core circle like my wife was. As a person in the periphery, I contributed by opening her Chptr using my personal account. As a result, I see her every time I open the app, which is often a few hundred times a day. Her face will always make me smile, I can hear her laugh in the back of my mind, and seeing her face daily reminds me to keep her husband and daughter in my heart and prayers.Â
Finally, Laraine Flannery’s story simply amazes me. I never got to meet my 3 of my grandparents, nor do I really know their stories. My grandmother and I were not very close, so we don’t really have multi-generational stories we share within my side of the family. I’m inspired by Laraine’s impact on her family, and the importance of the role she played in each individual family member’s life. It’s clear as day that her name will continue to be mentioned generations from now. I’m excited to see my wife and I attempt to do the same for our own family.
There is almost nothing worse than visiting a graveyard. It's always raining or just was, it's cold regardless of season, and I never know what to do or say. When we were creating Chptr, I committed that this platform would be a place to celebrate and be inspired by people's stories, not saddened by the reminder that they're gone. We didn’t build a digital graveyard, but rather a social community where the conversation about a person doesn’t end with their death, and the impact they have on the world won’t ever end. We keep working on that, but I hope the communities we've worked with take a bit of that away from their experience with Chptr.
What am I looking forward to in 2024? So much it’s hard to put it all down on paper. I’m looking forward to seeing our family continue to grow. I’m excited about what the Chptr team is building and know you’ll be floored by it all. More than anything, I’m looking forward to working with more communities to honor the people who mattered to them. If you find yourself in need of our kind of support, I’ll be here with the door open, the lights on, likely a whiskey in hand, and ready to talk when you are (as is our entire team).
With all that said, thank you to you, the reader, and to all of the community members who honored us with their stories and memories about their people. You, your stories, and your journeys continue to inspire us and make me grateful to be associated with you in any small way. We will always be here if/when you want to talk, share, remember someone, or hear a dad joke.Â
One more thing before we go… please take a moment to check out Experience Camps and, if you are inclined to do so, make a donation of any size. They are a nonprofit dedicated to supporting grieving kids who have lost a parent, sibling, or primary caretaker.
Happy holidays and New Year to you all. As always, please continue to be good to each other.Â
Rehan Choudhry
Founder x CEO, Chptr